I want to see free classic porn movies from the 70s, 80s & 90s with old school hairy pussy pornstars!
My friend, I commend you. There is nothing more beautiful than seeing a fellow male feminist like myself doing their part to praise Earth’s most amazing creatures as they show off their self-confidence in their prime. Even though most of the beauties on HD vintage porn sites are either dead or grandmothers at this point (meaning they’re more attractive than ever), it does not matter. True white knights know that it’s still worth it to send telepathic good vibes. Even if they are sent to the afterlife or a nursing home where the lass is blindly staring at the television watching Matlock with dried pudding stuck to her chin.
And look, being a woke male, I rarely comment on female genitalia. It is not my place to even mention the word pussy (sorry mother) much less comment on it, but I will say this very quickly. There is nothing more beautiful than a hairy vagina! Take it from a guy that has spent more time spying on his mother’s drunken friends while they drunkenly nuclear poop the toilet: a hairy vagina is the best kind of vagina.
No offense to anyone that shaves their vagina! Oh my goodness, I am not saying that either one is better or vice-versa. Oh my God, what have I said…
What kind of (full-length) vintage porn movies can I watch on these classic sex tubes?
Almost anything you can think of, friend! There are exceptions, of course. For starters, you’re not going to find my beloved hentai on these sites unless it’s very early hentai that looks more like a Mormon animated film than the classy, professional hentai we see today. That absolutely includes CGI hentai of any kind. Come on, you big dingus, computers weren’t invented until Tim Allen created Toy Story, you crazy goof!
But you asked about what kind of retro sex movies they were, not what there weren’t! Now, look at who’s the big old dingus! See, that’s an excellent quality of male feminism: we can laugh at ourselves. At any rate, the type of vintage porn content you will find is typical of the kind of adult content you would find today. From beauties with big bosoms to black ladies showing us white men what it feels like to get a taste of dark chocolate to one of my other favorites. Asian females that service men because they love them, not because a fucking Chad forced them into the sex (oh my goodness mother my language today!). There are plenty of vintage porn categories for you to choose from.
The one thing I notice about vintage adult content is how sweaty everyone gets. People used to sweat a lot more back then. They also stuck to each other a lot more. That’s why when 70s/80s/90s porn wasn’t considered retro sex movies but cutting-edge film, they would have to hire what they called a ‘stickman.’ He would use a wooden crowbar to get between the two parties that were having the sex and pry them apart after each scene. Because of smartphones, we don’t sweat as much anymore, and that job is now nonexistent. The more you know.
I see material of porn studio “Color Climax”. Weren’t they shut down for producing underage porn?
Whoa friend hold up there! The world’s mightiest alpha ThePornDude and I only show you adult content involving parties 18 and older. Can you imagine the outcry that would occur if we shared anything underage? Even if I was a total creep, I couldn’t do that! My neighborhood already hates me; they would drag me out of mother’s basement, tie me to a light pole in front of the pizza place where my future Asian wife works, and would burn with hot iron while reading Bible scriptures. The butcher mother always blows would slowly decapitate me, and my own mother would bathe in my blood while she again sucked the butcher’s weenie. I’m sorry, mother, but that man is no good for you, and I will ridicule him every chance I get!
ThePornDude has actually explained the history of Color Climax since he’s so smart in addition to being so alpha. During the 1970s, Color Climax was huge and produced all kinds of pornography, and unfortunately, these slime buckets put kids in them! Eww, who would do such a thing!? Somehow this kept going until 1979 when they produced their last underage bit of content. Then they pulled a total Jeffrey Epstein and not only didn’t get in trouble for it but stayed in business until the nineties. What kind of lawyers did they have?!
With that being said, you will certainly find tons of legal Color Climax retro porn movies. The reason is simple. It is because they put out a massive catalog of legitimate pornography despite being total scumbags.
What are the best vintage porn sites in 2019?
If you are looking for the very best vintage porn site that isn’t going to force you to steal your mother’s credit card just to pay for the subscription; there is only one site ThePornDude and I recommend: TubePornClassic. When you visit this retro porn site, you’re going to get the convenience of a modern free tube site while harkening back to a much worse time for females. A time when they had to smile and nod at Chads just to get a raise when they had to wear shoulders pads just to prove they could compete with men in the workplace, when getting a job as a woman was seen as sinful as adultery, and when Bill Cosby was still on television.
Keep these negative thoughts out of your mind when you browse TubePornClassic though fellow male feminist because these lasses deserve your telepathic praise no matter where they are in life/in the afterlife. That’s right: no matter if they are living the high life on a yacht at 60 years old or their being tortured in the seventh circle of Hell, you can still uplift them to your heart’s content. TubePornClassic makes it simple by giving you a vast assortment of videos to choose from without bombarding your device with tons of ads!
Was it illegal for women to shave their pussy? It’s a hairy pussy galore fest!
On a lonely summer’s night a few years ago when mother had passed out from her 12th gin and tonic, one of her friends who was drunk as the dickens but had yet to pass out told me why their vaginas were hairy. She said it had to do with their wardrobe. You see, they could only wear tight pants or skirts back then; both types of dress made it uncomfortable to have a cleanly shaved vagina. Think about it: tight pants rubbing against a bald vagina would be so uncomfortable, and if wearing a skirt, the vagina would get cold; best to give it a little beard.
Fun fact: that friend also passed out later that night and had massive diarrhea on mother’s sofa.
Who’s your favorite vintage pornstar, PornGeek?
Barbara Walters because of the time she bent over on live television and accidentally exposed her nipples. I bought a VHS copy of that on eBay for $595 years ago, and it’s one of the only things that has ever given me a truly hard erection. Just thinking about it makes me want to pre-ejaculate.
PornGeek, what’s up with all these retro incest taboo films? Do you also want to bang your mom?
Because people love given in to forbidden desires and doing what they should not be doing. As for if I want to have sex with my mother, that is a big no mainly because she is a disgusting pig of a female. I usually do not talk about ladies like that, but I do not consider my mother a lady anyway, mainly livestock.
But if you were to ask if I want to pork people that look like my mother, the answer is an obvious yes. This is why I cannot help but spy on her friends every time they use the bathroom. Even when I was trapped in the shower and had to helplessly watch mother and a friend drunkenly scissor each other and eat each other out, it’s still worth it just to get a peek at perfection.
